Tough Love W/ Love Episode 1:
We ALL need Tough Love, when you were young and did something you weren’t supposed to do, your parents scolded you and explained why you couldn’t do ____ whatever it was, and you learned from it. If they had kept letting you do it, you never would have learned, and until they really drove home the point, you didn’t learn and you didn’t change your habits. Now we’re adults, and our parents are (probably) not watching over our every move. We don’t have them to say hey, don’t do that shit! We have to do it for ourselves, and it’s HARD. We’re just figuring out this crazy fkn world for ourselves.. Things like setting up automatic electricity payments, and grocery shopping efficiently so there isn’t a pile of stinky kale rotting away in our fridge every week is hard enough.. and now we have to be reprimanding ourselves too? Not fair.
Well my loves that’s the thing, it’s not fair! Honestly, I’ve decided to take that phrase out of my vocabulary. Because saying it’s not fair oFTEN means you’re playing the victim card and not accepting responsibility for something. At least for me, whenever I’ve said it’s not fair, it’s always in that annoying baby voice, and it was always for something that I should have done better research on and not made assumptions, then I wouldn’t have been disappointed!
This series is important to me, I have felt in my heart I always had something more to do. I have this amazing audience, if I can’t actually make a difference and boost people up towards becoming their best selves then WTF is the point! Sure, I love makeup but who says we can’t all look damn good with our dewy skin while also actively working to become the best humans we can possibly be. This idea has been brewing for a while, I just didn’t know it yet. Last year around this time I made a “Habits that Have Changed my Life” video, and I didn’t think it was going to do very well, but I had some sincere advice to give, and now a year later it’s one of my most popular videos, and it seems like I actually helped some people with it. Which to me, is crazy. When you guys comment saying that my video made your day better, or it got you through a hard time, or that it motivated you, or simply helped you unwind after a long day.. It means the world to me. I FIRMLY believe that we are here to help, and everyone has their own special way to contribute. I think we are required and we owe it to ourselves and the world to do GOOD! Maybe it’s cheesy but honestly i dont give a shit! I think we all know deep down that we want to leave the world knowing we’ve helped improve it even the littlest amount.
So, I’m starting this series. I called it Tough Love With Love, because I want to drive home the point that this is really for the BEST possible purpose. I really care about you guys and I want you all to know that if the advice I’m giving is a hard pill to swallow.. It’s still coming from a place of love. All of this is meant with the purest and best of intentions.
SO, to kick off this series I’m going to talk about a topic that is so fUCKING important. Loving Yourself First. Yessss I know you’ve read the cheesy pinterest quotes, and self love is a damn movement these days that marketing companies use to sell you more face masks. Sure face masks are an excellent way to care for yourself, but if you’re putting on the face mask and thinking “shit i look so ugly right now, my skin is so bad and it’s never going to get better” (I’m guilty of this), then it’s not really self care is it? It’s putting a band-aid over the wound instead of dealing with the source of the pain. If we don’t work on ourselves, we can’t help anyone else. If we don’t work on ourselves, we can’t help anyone else. Let that sink in and actually process what that means. It’s the same concept of a parent putting on the oxygen mask on themselves on the plane first so they can put their kids on after. If the mom passes out before she puts her kids mask on, now both of them are screwed. She has to do it herself first so she can help her child. You can’t be a good friend if you’re too caught up in your own shit, you can’t be a good partner if you’re not learning from your past relationships.
One of my favorite cliche quotes is “You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup” and it’s so damn true if you really think about it. You can’t give your all in any area of your life if you have nothing to give. Makes sense right? So, here are a few of my favorite tips to start actually taking care of yourself and how to start filling up your dang cup, or wine glass, la croix, whatever you prefer.
Spend time alone, really alone. No electronics.
- Meditate if you can, or my preferred form of meditation is going on a walk, or reading a book, or writing. You need stillness to let the free thoughts come in and out, we all need to learn to be comfortable in our own presence. If you don’t feel comfortable on your own, you will find it comes to bite you in the ass later in life. We need to be comfortable in our own presence before we can be fully present in a room full of people. Whatever highs and lows your mind may entail, we’re stuck with ourselves for our whole life.. It’s time to get to know yourself one on one
Give yourself a SWOT analysis on the regular
- Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats- we have probably all heard of this in a business context, but it works wonders in all areas of life. I actually learned this from when I heard Magic Johnson speak, he regularly gives himself a SWOT analysis to see where he’s at. You can turn this practice into something that works for you, maybe it’s not actually “SWOT” , but something similar that lets you gain insight into your current strengths and weaknesses- which brings me to my next bullet point
Acknowledge your weaknesses
- It’s not really a weakness if you are aware of it. It’s only weak if you continue to do it, or continue to act like it doesn’t exist. If you lie a lot, and you acknowledge it, you become aware of it and can make it a conscious habit to work on it. If you lie a lot and continue to let it hum along in the background, you’re going to keep lying, you’re going to ruin friendships, and you’re not going to improve. I guarantee there is something each of us can call out ourselves for. There are many weaknesses that I’m currently working on.. And guess what! They won’t be weaknesses for much longer! We are adaptable humans, we make mistakes, we change and we grow.. It’s really wonderful if you think about it. It’s a wonderful thing to be human. If you call yourself out on your bullshit, you don’t have to wait for someone else to do it- and it’s gonna feel a hell of a lot worse when someone else does it.
Listen to your gut
- I believe in gut instincts very strongly. Your mind gets cluttered with a lot of BS, but your gut just goes one way or another. If you have a gut instinct that a friend has bad intentions, don’t ignore it. If you have a gut instinct you should go to one college but your family wants you to go to another, tune into it.
Say no- this is connected to listening to your gut
- Say NO. Get used to saying no. Someone who says yes to anything and everything will probably be burnt out sooner rather than later. And I want to clarify so people don’t get this twisted. Say YES to opportunities that will help you grow and get you closer to the dream life you want to live, be open to YES and have yes be your first instinct, but do not be scared of saying no when you need to. Knowing how to say no and mean it is a powerful ass tool. Once I started saying no my mental health and stress levels improved so much. Bottom line, we don’t feel good when we’re in a situation we don’t want to be in. When you’re with a group of people who make you feel icky, you feel ICKY! If you had said no and stayed home, you wouldn’t feel icky. Say no. It may be hard at first, FOMO is a tricky beast, but once again this goes back to my other point, when you’re happy in your own company, FOMO happens a hell of a lot less.
Get your BS detector finely tuned-
- Reading vibes is one of my favorite things to do. My bullshit detector is finely tuned, and it has saved me from a ton of uncomfortable situations. In the “influencer” space the bullshit runs thICK and I honestly have zero time for it. Figuring out who is truly kind and a good human, and who is putting up a front and will probably hurt you later is soooo insanely valuable, in every aspect of your life. To do this, you have to start listening to your gut. That initial instinct you have about a person may often be right, not always because people present themselves differently depending on the environment. BUT, when I’ve gotten an automatic bad vibe from someone, it’s never proven me wrong. This is not to be mean or not to be understanding, everyone is on their own journey and doing the best they can. BUT, it doesn’t help them or you to match their bad vibes with phony ones. If you don’t vibe with someone, don’t hangout with them. Protect your energy and save it for situations and people who make you feel wonderful and alive and energized and HAPPY! There is no time in this life to be with people who bring you down, absolutely none.
Be kind with yourself
- This may seem like the opposite direction of my other bullet points, but it is the most important one I think. Calling out your own weaknesses, acknowledging them, learning from them, and improving is the ideal cycle. If you give yourself grace and patience, and most importantly speak to yourself kindly when you fuck up.. It helps a lot. Beating yourself up over and over and over only makes you feel like shit, it’s not productive. Call yourself out, say ouch i fucked up, and turn that shitty feeling into fuel to improve yourself. Pity parties aren’t productive long term. Throw yourself a full blown, all out one night pity party, get wasted in your own pity if you need to (lol), then the next morning, get up, and MOVE the FUCK ON! No pity hangovers here!! Life is going to keep moving on with or without you, if you’re stuck in the past it prevents you from being present and from planning for the future. It’s only going to make everything harder. Have grace with yourself, know in the core of your being that every single human makes mistakes, and our only choice is to learn from them and move on.
Ahhhh yes! Deep breath and shake it off! That was some serious work we did there, and I hope you took notes 🙂 We can all be amazing humans, i believe that SO MUCH, and want you all to believe it too. I’m on the road to becoming my best self and I want you guys to join me, jump on the fkn bandwagon and hop aboard! Love you guys so much, and thanks for watching! Don’t forget to subscribe. And PLEASE comment any tips or advice or personal mantras that have helped you overcome obstacles and change for the better <3